The tyranny of law People who
regard the current administration as a danger to liberty should reflect on the
Democratic candidates for president. It's a caution to think that Richard
Gephardt stands on their extreme right. And this is what Gephardt said on June 23
about the Supreme Court decision in the Michigan affirmative action cases: "When
I'm president, we'll do executive orders to overcome any wrong thing the Supreme
Court does tomorrow or any other day." He was speaking at a forum sponsored by
Jesse Jackson, and he spoke with the patented indignation of Jackson himself, or
perhaps of Joe McCarthy. Stephen Cox
Panhandlers, cell phones, and restaurant autism
There are certain things I think I've figured out, though they
remain obscure to other people.
Some people wonder, for example, why there are practically no left-wing
talkshow hosts, and none successful on the national level, except Alan Colmes,
who does all he can to make friends with right-wingers. The explanation is
twofold. To be successful on the grand scale, you have to express the sentiments
of the majority of likely listeners, which in this country means that you have to
be on the right. To be fresh and interesting, however, you have to provide
something different from the sentiments purveyed by the official media. Since
those are left-wing sentiments, the moral is the same: you must position yourself
on the right. Very simple: I solved the problem.
If you needed any further proof of my intelligence, I'd let you in on my
solution to the free-will problem, the riddle of French political conduct, and
the mystery of the Mary Celeste.
But I have to confess that there are some problems I cannot solve. I can't
come anywhere near solving them. I'll give you three examples:
1) The Passion for Panhandlers. About 20 years ago, somebody stumbled on a
mysterious truth: if you station bums at busy intersections with signs saying
"Hungry: Will Work for Food," motorists will give the bums cash. They will take
some trouble to do so, and they will do it without making any demand or
embarrassing suggestion that any work be performed in exchange. By now, everyone
knows that "work-for-food" is just another means of begging, and that the beggars
are by no means trying to rehabilitate themselves by finding legitimate work.
Anyway, what prospective employee would expect anyone to run out on the median
strip during the evening rush hour and offer him a job? The whole thing is
patently ridiculous. Yet people still roll down their windows, stick out their
hands, and give the bums money. Why?
Please don't provide any generic rationales. I don't want to hear about "2,000
years of indoctrination in the [alleged] Christian ideal of selflessness." I
don't want to hear about "the ethical corruptions of the modern liberal culture."
I want to know what these strange people think they're doing at the moment when
they hit that power-window button and stick those bills into those grimy hands.
What could it possibly be?
2) The Overspeakers; Or, Those Who Talk Over Their Hosts. Instead of passing
out money to bums on my way home, I usually listen to Los Angeles' favorite
drive-time talkboys, John and Ken. Almost every day, John and Ken interview some
guest who has a political point to make, and almost every day they ask the guest
a question that anyone could answer with a yes or no, only to find that the guest
regards the query as an invitation to repeat, over and over again, the inane
talking points with which he or she began. Worse: when J and K try to interrupt
and restate their question, in the faint hope of bringing the conversation to
some higher intellectual level, the guest simply continues to talk. Talk, blab,
blat, bleat, emit continuous syllables the noise goes on with no pause at
all. Additional attempts at intervention produce precisely the same effect. The
guest just continues yapping, in the same tone and cadence, even after John turns
to Ken and says, "It's happening again! Hello! Hello out there! I don't
understand it he just keeps talking! They all do this. Hello! Hello! STOP!
He's paying no attention. For God's sake, STOP! He won't stop. They're all like
this. Why is this happening?"
Why indeed? And it doesn't happen only on the John and Ken Show. It happens 50
percent of the time when anyone who's being interviewed about anything even
remotely resembling an ideological topic is asked a genuine question. The guest
talks right over it. Why?
Now, suppose you had some controversial point to make. You were invited to
make it (for free!) before a huge audience of your fellow citizens. You would
have to know that somebody might possibly, conceivably ask you a question that
really meant something. You would have to know that an acceptable answer would
have to consist of something more than a dogged reassertion of what you've
already said. And you would have to know that American audiences value, indeed
vastly over-value, courteous and calm responses. You have this knowledge. But
what do you do? You decide to do the most obnoxious, annoying, counter-productive
thing possible. Again, what are these strange people thinking?
3) The Spatially Challenged. You're walking down the street and suddenly the
man coming toward you looks you in the face and screams, "The hell I will! What
do you take me for, an idiot?" Of course you do, but that's only a minor part of
your reaction. Your body immediately prepares for fight or flight. Then you
realize what's happening: he's just screaming into his cell phone.
Or how about this: you're sitting in a restaurant, talking in low but
distinguishable tones with the friends at your table, but your words are drowned
out by a booming voice that's reciting every detail of some stranger's sex life.
You look around angrily, trying to discover where they put the loudspeaker. But
no what you're hearing is that gentleman over by the window, 50 feet away,
who is making sure that every person in the place is privy to things you wouldn't
see on an X-rated website. Now, why would any human creature want to talk like
that?
I've thought of several reasons, none of them at all sufficient. One that I
tried was our era's famous "breakdown in civility," but that explanation had a
number of fatal defects. First, it's sheer determinism: nobody has to be uncivil.
Second, it's only a negative explanation: civility may be absent, but that
doesn't explain where civility went. And third, it's the kind of explanation
you'd see in The New York Times.Another possibility, I thought, was: "They don't really know how loudly
they're talking." Well, maybe; but if they can't tell what their volume is, why
aren't they talking ultrasoftly, at least half the time? Then I thought about the
explanatory capabilities of arrogance, aggression, the lust for
self-advertisement, and all the other psychic impulses that make people want to
get in other people's faces. But this turned out to be the worst explanation of
all, because, as I found, it was directly contradicted by experimental
evidence.
Have you ever stared directly and menacingly at one of these space invaders,
with the obvious implication that if he doesn't lower his voice, you're gonna
come after him with a chocolate cream pie? Have you ever raised your own voice in
an obvious attempt to shout over him? Have you ever inclined your ear unto him
and, with studied facial gestures, demonstrated that you were following with
fascination every degrading episode of his last divorce? I've tried all three of
these experiments, many times, and never once have I seen the faintest sign of
the subject's responsiveness to his audience. I have sat in public places where
all conversation ceased, all heads turned, and all eyes focused on the
Mussolini-like orator and the glazed look never left his face. (Or, to be
fair, her face; it happens just as frequently with her.) He wasn't
trying to ingratiate, impress, intimidate, or insult. He really didn't care who
looked at him, or what those people might be thinking. He wasn't trying to get
into anybody's face; he was just . . . what? What (yet again) was he
thinking?
Explain that to me, you psychologists, sociologists, demonologists, and
psychoepistemologists! And when you offer your explanation, I hope it's
accompanied with a cure. Stephen Cox