With four writers, it's no wonder "The Legend of Zorro" is a mess. Stories
— good stories at least — cannot be written by committee. A story needs
a compelling conflict, and characters need believable motivations. That can't
happen when four people are throwing their two cents into the pot and trying to
compromise on the result. This movie feels like a sequel pushed by the producers
to capitalize on the success of the original, but without any enthusiasm from the
original crew. The actors seem to be thinking more about their next meal than
their next line. Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio, who wrote the original "Mask of
Zorro," are credited with the story, but two newcomers, Roberto Orci and Alex
Kurtzman, joined the committee to write the screenplay for this sequel. Their
previous credits include such notable projects as "Hercules: Legendary Journeys"
and "Xena: Warrior Prin-cess." It shows.
I don't mind suspending my
disbelief in order to enjoy an action-adventure flick; in fact, I look forward to
heroes leaping across housetops, somersaulting onto waiting horses, and
brandishing swords with lightning speed. But this movie is just shockingly awful.
The anachronisms alone are a hoot. Mom and Dad take turns walking junior to
school and picking him up afterwards. Elena asks for and receives a quickie
divorce — in Catholic California. Over dinner, Elena asks her date where she
might find the bathroom to powder her cheeks. A bathroom? This is 1850. It's out
back, over a hole in the ground, for heaven's sakes! The movie even presents a
clean-shaven Abraham Lincoln signing California's statehood papers — but
Lincoln wouldn't become president till 1861; it was Millard Fillmore's pen that
brought California into the Union.
With movies costing many millions of
dollars to produce and many more to promote, studios this year seem afraid to try
anything new. This season has been fraught with sequels, remakes, and TV shows
turned into movies. Occasionally an outstanding performance can save a remake
— Johnny Depp was brilliant as Willy Wonka this summer — but great new
stories are the only sure way to bring Hollywood out of its malaise. I once asked
Ben Stein why Hollywood, one of the biggest business centers in the country,
always makes business people the bad guys in movies. He suggested the reason is
that screenwriters are the poorest paid members of the industry, and their
writing reflects their own bias. Perhaps when studios start paying enough to lure
great writers to the screen, they will get decent
movies.
