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Performance Art Live Earth: Dead Show
by Tim Slagle
Faster than a sputtering Prius . . . more powerful than an icebreaker
bound for Antarctica . . . able to wipe out liberal guilt with a single
carbon offset . . . it's Al Gore!
Al Gore's new book, "The Assault on Reason," hit the shelves in May. Advance reviews and excerpts indicate more of his trademark condescending sighs — 308 pages of Al Gore shaking his head and telling us that we just don't get it. He believes Americans are so used to getting their information from emotional 30-second soundbites that we don't have the attention span to appreciate his smoldering intellect. On July 7, he tried to sell his anthropogenic global warming theory with Live Earth, a big rock show. Well, if you can't beat them, join them.
| | Tim Slagle
is a standup comedian living in Chicago. His website is timslagle.com |
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The whole global warming debate has been an Assault on Reason. Our exposure to the topic comes from those fearful soundbites: meteorologists speculating about why Chicago would see a 70-degree day in the middle of January, why there might be a mudslide in California, or a tornado in Kansas. The people delivering the message are more likely to be rock stars and politicians than climate scientists or tree surgeons; they're likely to be the ones who took the easy courses in college. From what I've learned, Al Gore probably doesn't even understand basic geography.
But who really needed to be made aware of global warming? Apparently there was a large group of potheads who have been so overwhelmed with trying to reach the next level of "Doom" for the past 13 years that they haven't seen the headlines about the earth in crisis. The only way to reach this lost demographic was to lure them out of their parents' basements with a rock show.
Except with this group, warming is part of the American conscience. People at the bank no longer ask if it's hot enough for you, if you brought the cold weather along, or if you mistakenly ordered all that rain. Today, when the temperature becomes unbearably hot, people just blame global warming. In the winter it is used as an excuse for a cold snap, sometimes without irony.
Americans have stubbornly resisted any global warming legislation, but it's not because we're unaware. With gas approaching four bucks a gallon, who isn't cutting back on the unnecessary trips? Do we really need another round of "Turn down your thermostat, and inflate your tires?" Most of the ideas proposed thus far are ridiculously impractical, like taking a bicycle to work. (Fine if you're a 20-year old living in Southern California.)
The only real solution is increasing taxes on energy. This would effectively price all the things that make America so delightful out of the reach of middle America. Air conditioning, big cars, and pleasure craft would be accessible only to people like Al Gore. The resistance that the global warming proponents note is a well-reasoned refusal to accept a lower standard of life.
Yet in preparation for the show, Gore said, "The task of saving the global environment is a task we should all approach with a sense of joy." Joy. Giving up cars, boats and air conditioning should be approached with joy. This is probably like the ecstasy a flagellant monk feels as he mortifies his flesh with a cat o' nine tails.
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| Here in the U.S., the TV show "Cops" beat out Live
Earth in that time slot. |
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Nobody wants to sacrifice, including the Live Earth rock stars. No musicians used unamplified instruments. The stage wasn't lit with CFLs. Madonna kept her microphone plugged in, even though she barely used it. And for the first time ever, she actually pretended to play an electric guitar.
According to the original press release: "[Live Earth's] aim is not just to drive awareness but to get people to take action . . . These actions are likely to include personal pledges to reduce emissions, for instance by using energy efficient equipment or flying less." But in the seven-point pledge, flying less is noticeably absent. Apparently someone passed Al Gore the definition of the word "irony." It's hard to ask people to fly less when you've got rock stars circumnavigating the globe.
The original plan was to perform "seven major concerts on seven continents." That would have required a flight into Antarctica. The only reason for an Antarctic show would be to make the continent count coincide with the concert date of 7/7/07, as well as the seven-point pledge. An Antarctic flight would only be a necessary expense for an obsessive-compulsive. There is a good chance that when the organizers conceptualized these shows, they hoped to photograph drowning polar bears and collapsing ice sheets: dramatic examples of the crisis we are facing. But they apparently forgot that Antarctica is on the bottom of the earth, and July 7 is midwinter there. It's dark almost 24 hours a day, and temperatures can reach 130 degrees below zero. So much for photographing those melting ice sheets. Oh yeah, and polar bears don't live there either. Then also, it must have been hard locating a stadium in Antarctica that was capable of hosting such a grand event, and wasn't already booked.
According to Linda Capper, press representative for the British Antarctic Survey, back in February Gore's office contacted the BAS requesting a flight into the Rothera Research station in Antarctica. He wanted to bring an "undisclosed artiste" to perform there. Rothera is under British jurisdiction and hosts a winter population of 22 residents. Gore was probably fairly certain he could get the flight in, too. In February, he boasted that Live Earth would present the "first ever rock concert in Antarctica." Unfortunately planes cannot land in July; the airports close for the season in March. Ships cannot get in after April, because of the sea ice (which, contrary to "An Inconvenient Truth," has not all melted). We all remember the story of the Russian Antarctic scientist who performed an appendectomy on himself one winter, because the only help his nation could provide was air-dropping a mirror, some clean scalpels, and a bottle of vodka.
When it was learned that a real concert would be impossible, Linda Capper suggested that perhaps some of the scientists could play. Linda told me, "We have a house band — five of our science team. They are very good indie rock-folk fusion. The remaining 17 will be the audience on location." The band's name is Nunatak, which is a Greenlandic word meaning a mountain peak, rising above the ice.
Transportation is one of the biggest contributors to greenhouse gases. Even food transportation is scrutinized by environmentalists. Guidelines for presenting a green event were handed out by Live Earth and included suggestions to minimize the miles the products traveled and request local supplies whenever feasible. However, the Live Earth bookers sent American acts — the Red Hot Chili Peppers and the Beastie Boys — to the U.K., and British acts — Roger Waters and the Police — to the U.S. No word on who was supposed to get that trip to Antarctica.
As the date approached, things weren't looking very good for Live Earth. The Istanbul show was completely cancelled for lack of interest. The Rio de Janeiro show was free, but attracted far fewer (100,000) than the projected million, fewer than the Rolling Stones did just a month before (200,000). The Hamburg show still had half the tickets available only two days before the show and started giving them away.
| The people delivering the message are more
likely to be rock stars and politicians than climate
scientists or tree surgeons; they're likely
to be the ones who took the easy courses in
college.
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Of course, that might have been because the headliner of the Hamburg show was a virtual unknown named Yusuf. Some might recognize Yusuf from his original identity as '70s pop star Cat Stevens. He fell into obscurity after converting to Islam and changing his name to Yusuf Islam. He wasn't heard from again until years later, when he made a famous remark to the effect that perhaps Salman Rushdie should be executed for his book, "The Satanic Verses" (New York Times, May 23, 1989).
Yusuf appeared, not in the robes he originally wore when he converted to Islam, but looking quite Western in jeans and a button-down shirt. The only suggestion of his religion was his square-cut beard. He even dropped the Islam from his name, using only his first name, much like Cher, Madonna, and Bullwinkle. (I think he's trying to warm up to the West again. It's hard even for a humble Muslim to face obscurity.) I wonder, now that he's an environmentalist, if he imagines a similar pronouncement of death for SUV drivers?
There was one speaker of the day who might not disagree with such an idea. Paranoid ex-heroin user Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., lambasted the New Jersey crowd with a voice raw from rage. His speech stood out for its passion and commitment and anger. It also confirmed my suspicion that this whole movement isn't just about changing light bulbs, that there might be more sinister motives behind the message.
"It is more important," he said, "than buying compact fluorescent light bulbs or than buying a fuel efficient automobile. The most important thing you can do is to get involved in the political process and get rid of all of these rotten politicians that we have in Washington, D.C. — who are nothing more than corporate toadies for companies like Exxon and Southern Company, these villainous companies that consistently put their private financial interest ahead of American interest and ahead of the interest of all of humanity. This is treason and we need to start treating them now as traitors."
Wow. I haven't heard talk like that since communism went out of fashion back in the early '90s. Let's round up the capitalists! Grab your machete, Yusuf!
As for Nunatak, they finally appeared on stage around 1 a.m. on 07/08/07 (EDT). I was surprised to see them playing outside in the daylight. Since it is close to midwinter in Antarctica, and in the video the sun was fairly high in the sky, I suspected this was a part of "Live" Earth that was less than live. A quick note to Linda confirmed my speculation. The tape was actually made back in June. There is no way to transmit high-resolution video at a live rate out of the Rothera Station, so they sent video files back to England via the internet, and had them edited. I'm guessing they had to add a soundtrack as well, since the guitars weren't plugged in.
Is this what anyone would call a "Major Concert" (as the original press release claimed)? No. It was obviously just a last-minute cover-up for a really bad idea. It appears that Al Gore, leader of the climate change movement, and Champion of Reason, would flunk Earth Science 101.
I wonder how many people thought they were watching a live performance. Or how many people were even watching. Ratings for the show were dismal, and turnout lukewarm at best. Here in the U.S., the TV show "Cops" beat out Live Earth in that time slot. Excuses were made around the world for the less than stellar audience. The weather, of course, was specially blamed. The U.K. leg of the concert held the unusually good weather responsible for the bad TV ratings, while South Africa complained that the unusually cold weather probably kept people away from the live show. It made me wonder whether global warming could be blamed for cold weather and for nice weather, in which case this concert was long overdue.
The most likely reason that people didn't tune in was just that they thought the show was stupid. How does jetting rock stars around the globe help the planet? It is one thing for Al Gore to fly around the world on a mission to get people to stop flying around the world, but it is completely different when you've got 100 of the world's biggest stars flying around in 100 private planes. Originally Gore planned on appearing live at both the U.K. and U.S. shows — until someone explained that this dual appearance might agitate those of us who are sensitive to hypocrisy. He took Amtrak between appearances in D.C. and N.J. and, surprisingly, still made the N.J. show. I guess that certain people can make the trains run on time.
Chris Rock had the best line of the event when he said in an interview with Jonathan Ross: "I pray that this event ends . . . global warming the same way Live Aid ended world hunger." Me too. I also hope that the cynicism shining through those words, along with the poor ratings, signal that the world is finally starting to realize the true motives of these charlatans. It's all about politics, and what they want is standards imposed on us that they have no intention of complying with.
Yes, there has been an Assault on Reason. And last Saturday, I saw the weapon.
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