Blue-Eyed Blond Seeks Same

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I regularly get our so-called”alternative newspaper” although it’s really neither; it’s more like a “yuppie infotainment events calendar.” I remember not too long ago when these were called “underground” papers, a similarly self-important and bogus adjective. (Apparently when communism and apartheid were defeated, these papers safely emerged from the underground.) Why don’t they just call themselves “weeklies” to distinguish themselves from the daily newspapers, which, after all, are also alternatives I could consider.

Posturing aside, their editorial positions are pretty similar and pretty conventional. As far as I can tell, what really distinguishes the alternative papers is the creepy politicization of personal ads. Half of them read like they could have been written by Hitler: “SWM, artist, music lover, vegetarian, non- smoker, advocate for jobs, looking for someone to join me in a quest to make the world a better place.” The other half read like they could have been written by Himmler: “SWM, pagan, politically aware, into S&M, Eastern travel, and the occult.”

I guess it’s an alternative to “If you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain …”

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