Fuel Transition Supervisor

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Whenever some cantankerous critic knocks the governance of New Jersey, no matter his size or musculature, I always stand up and defend the Garden State. I remind him that no, it’s not suffocating under a blanket of smokestack emissions, even if past governors spewed thick clouds of verbal smoke into the sky overhead. There are gardens galore, naturally, in the Garden State; and horse farms and reedy dunes that conjure up visions of Cape Cod. But sadly, the political environment doesn’t match the scenery.

They do have some horrid legislation, however, that’s like fingernails on the slate of the libertarian soul. How about this: self-service at the gas station is legally verboten. An attendant who probably left State University with a major in “Fuel Transition” is required. I figured out that this scientist majored in Fuel Transition, not English, after a ten-minute discussion about which of three octane levels I desired. Such was his intellect that I was surprised he didn’t insert the pump in the open window.

But after all, how could you expect me, Joe Consumer, bereft of Fuel Transition 301, to handle the complex pump, hose, and trigger mechanism that feeds highly flammable fuel into the tank of the car? How could Joe or Jill Consumer even find the tank of the car without at least auditing the course? Unlike your average sloppy filler-upper, this guy is a professional.

Serendipitously, this piece of legislation also provides maybe 10,000 unnecessary jobs that placid Jerseyites pay for in the price of their gas – Jerseyites who obviously never took Government Intrusion 101.

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