Starstruck at the LP

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A lot of Libertarian Party members figure the easiest way to victory is to get a Hollywood celebrity to head the LP ticket. I say, why be satisfied .with just one celebrity when we can have all of Hollywood? These celebrities are all in the upper-one- percent income tax bracket. They’d probably be embracing Republican tax cuts if it weren’t for the GOP’s record on civil liberties and censorship. The attitude of most Hollywood celebrities is 100% in agreement with our policy on the drug war – don’t even get me started on sexual liberties or military interventionism. Unfortunately, most of the industry has embraced Teddy Kennedy liberalism, where wealth is tolerated, as long as you”care” about people who have less than you.

So how can we get Hollywood to come around to the LP? I think we should encourage Republicans to push for a new tax on celebrities. Republicans already hate Hollywood, so they’ll warm to the idea quickly. I suggest the GOP propose a “neighborhood rebate tax,” a heavy tax on people who earn more than 1 million dollars per year income from ticket sales, television ratings, or commercial endorsements. The tax is earmarked to help the neighborhoods the celebrities left behind. The poor in America will certainly like the idea. After all, why should Oprah be so wealthy when it is the average stay-at-home mother-housewife who put her where she is today? It would be extremely difficult for a celebrity to oppose such a tax publicly, especially if they’ve been align- ing themselves with Santa Claus Democrats.

The celebrities will soon realize how vulnerable they really are. The fragility of minority rights, especially when that minority is defined by personal wealth, will become startlingly apparent. The evil political monster called envy will chase them into the Libertarian Party in droves, dragging their status, resources, and fundraising ability.

Let’s just make sure that when they get here, that we’re an inviting place. If we really go after the celebrities, we have to look a little less like a comic-book convention. Hollywood is a lot like high school: If the only seat left in the cafeteria is at the dork table, a cool kid will eat standing up.

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